Z's comment about the Something Awful spoof of Dungeon Module S3 got me to thinking about how I turned her into a D&D player. Yes, it's true. Before me, Z didn't play D&D.

Initially, I talked about D&D to her a lot. She would listen patiently and then tell me that she didn't have a clue what I was talking about. You know, "Blah blah hit points blahbity blah blah." This continued for some months. "I don't get it," she would always say.

Eventually, I broke down and bought her Confessions of a Part-time Sorceress: A Girl's Guide to the D&D Game. I read it aloud to her over a couple of nights. (The book is focused on 3rd ed. and we're a 1974 D&D household, so I needed to be able to edit appropriately.) This book really helped nail some of the basic concepts for Z. The fact that she found a set of pink glittery dice to play with didn't hurt, either. Next thing you know, she's blogging about getting ready to play D&D! (Want to know the funny part? She lost readers as a result of that post! Hahahaha.)

So eventually, we get everyone over and I spun up World of Yezmyr for the very first time. The group had a good mix: some seasoned players, one who had never played, and a couple that haven't played since college. Just because I like it, I decided that they all met up in a tavern. Secretly, I was hoping for an all-out bar brawl. Instead, we got some choice role-playing action. Unfortunately, Z was not prepared for this and had a secret little internal panic attack. She had always said she didn't want to have to do what she calls medieval speak. In fact, that was the closer. I promised Z she wouldn't have to do any Renaissance Faire type crap. She basically stayed quiet during the whole episode. Luckily, things progressed quickly and the party headed out into the wilderness. I could swear she was having fun later when she cast magic missile at that giant ant! Her competitive streak had come out.

One day, months later, she cornered me and informed me that demi-human level limits were the suck and that they weren't fair and that she would like to advance beyond 8th level, pretty please. Holy cow! I had created a monster! I was like, "Ummm, no." Dagger eyes.

Now, even later, Z is an integral part of the gaming group. She's got a firm grasp of strategy and tactics and is a very smart player. I'm impressed that she's doing so well and still having fun. One thing she laughs about a lot is how she is continually amazed at some of the stupidity that goes on at our table. Here's Z, in her own words, to tell you about the Bugbear poop incident. Yes, you read that correctly. Bugbear poop.

The first to declare that they should look through the poop was Trebor. I and others were like, "No way, dude!" Trebor carried on that there may be treasure in the poop. Kalton agreed, "Yes, sometimes there are jewels in poop." I was disgusted by all the crazy boys I have to play with. I kept telling them how friggin' nuts they were. But the thought of treasure started to give the rest a fever. A fever that would not be shaken within Trebor, making him NEED to check that poop. I declared that I didn't want to have to pay to resurrect his ass again, and having a charmed bugbear within my control said, "FINE! You want to check the friggin' poop, let's sacrifice the bugbear, then you will see that you need to listen to me. Yesmar would not put anything good in poop, I'm just saying. Just like you guys always fall for the dang scantily clad chick chained up. Yo! I'm not trying to get killed, suckas!"

Sure enough, my bugbear was burrowed through by rot grubs. Plus, guess what? NO TREASURE and now no more bugbear at our disposal. Trebor was totally in awe and thanked me for having the wits to keep him out of the poop. Meanwhile Yesmar was just totally amazed that the insignificant poop had caused such chaos and hilarity. It still gets Trebor a healthy reminder from me when he tries to rush into certain death. [tisk]

Ahhh yes, the continual maiden trickery I pull. When will my friends learn not to attempt to rescue the scantily clad chick chained to the wall? Ummmm, never! Hahahaha. (Last time she turned into a Huecuva.)

Anyway, Z's been playing for about eight months now and her character is on the cusp of 6th level. She's well into it and I think that's great. She continually comes up with good plans at the table. She does want some strange things, however. You know, stuff like magical pink glitter and evil flying unicorns and continually insists that her stiletto boots are a weapon. I suppose I'll cave in at some point, but you can bet these game creations will have interesting side effects. We shall see.


  1. Seriously, I can cause severe damage to someone with my stilettos. Why not Yazmine in Yezmyr?

    Flying Kicks
    Roundhouse Kicks
    Stepping on toes
    Swift kick to the ...

    Who's with me?


  2. "...stuff like magical pink glitter and evil flying unicorns and continually insists that her stiletto boots are a weapon."

    What's to cave in to? These are great ideas! It's this sort of anything-goes, eyes-of-innocence view of fantasy gaming that is sorely wanting in groups of stodgy old gamers (like those most of us regularly game with). I can only wish that my players would take on such offbeat, enthusiastic attitudes. /sigh

  3. Dude, you have to take the chance on scantily clad maidens chained to walls. You could fill a dungeon with nothing but scantily clad maiden traps in every room, and the PCs would fall for every one of them.

  4. Someone should do a blog post about the disgusting things characters paw through in their search for treasure. In both campaigns I participate in the term "Treasure Gullet" means the digestive tracts of a monster...

  5. Well, if you want to get literal a stiletto is a type of dagger...